Is a face filled with fear.
Tired of living one foot outside the door
But afraid to walk down the pathway
Leading to that freedom I so desperately desire.
Being protected only by a fake outer-shell
Covering the real merchandise deep down inside.
Refusing to unleash the magnificent being which
Contains these intense emotions.
Burdened by the unbearable weight of this
Heavy outer-shell,along with the many boulders of life
Crashing down and destroying all remaining self-confidence.
Saddened by the fact that no one is willing to search
Beyond this ghastly outward appearence.
Each and every unkind whisper is like a raindrop
Which makes up the sea of sorrow and the
Rivers which run down my once cheerful cheeks.
Soon these raindrops become a thunderstorm
And the only shelter is a house of hatred and heartbreak.
As the rain begins to pour through,
The door that leads to my freedom,
Is forever closed.
I’m that girl you’re too in[timid]ated to step to…but want to.
I’m the feeling you get in the morning before you [real]ize
that your eyes are not [OPEN] yet;
I’m the [win]ning bet.
I’m the mo[ment] right after you finish reading the most inspiring poem.
I’m the applause…
…the after glow,
every [WOman] youve hoped to know,
the [sunlight] leaking through the curtains
and the dust below.
I’m the tears in your eyes as you watch [me] board my plane,
that feeling called…insane;
the [color of cold] rain.
I’m those thoughts in your brain;
brown sPOTs near the drain.
I’m the [smell of summer] and FEmale passion–
your frowns and smiles–
I’m your every re[action].
I’m something along the lines of FIRE, moonLIGHT, and AMBER tree sap.
I’m the [expect]ations you desire as you press “Send Message.”
I’m somewhere lost in that [perfect] essence,
and wrapped up in the doubt that you’re having,
digested in those chips [you] keep grabbing.
I’m the girl you [always knew] you’d want,
more loops and swoops than your page’s font.
Your wife took me to her debutante
and I [show stopped sexy]…nonchalant.
I get studs in the streets and fems in the bed
or vice-a-versa if i want that instead.
And if you permit my tongue to trace
those pretty stars that grace your waist,
I’ll make my mission to replace
the saddness on your chiseled face.
Cause I’m the [five foot seven] you aspire to climb;
the satisfaction of a perfect rhyme.
I got quarters for your meter.
My Love will [never] teater.
I’ll kiss EACH bone down your spine.
I’m the girl [you always wanted] to do
and i ACTually composed this right now…
…for you.
Untitled
I dreamed of you ten thousand times infinity like this.
Curled up, clasping to a memory
I wished would still exist
when I awake.
And choking on the air
I prayed so hard
that we could share,
I wept and slept,
your heart well kept,
and locked up with my own.
Strong and smooth, your energy, like nectar.
Dew drops dripping down your intellect;
pungent is the passion that’s pulsating
and seeping into my soul through your sweat.
Sweets, submission is a bitch
and then you die,
but I’d gladly give my life
the way you’ve given yours to mine.
Cause I’m irreversibly incarcerated,
enraptured by your voice,
but was there ever any choice
in fairy tales?
Maybe the softness of your moist…
will-power ‘neath my weight
is the reason that so many wait
for their own boats to sail.
Untitled
She’s sitting on the other side
of what used to be my sanity,
right after the moment
before I remembered
what got us in this tub
to begin with.
And I’m distracted by the flicker–
candle light glowing–
illuminating a face that’s shamefully
too far a distance
from my own.
And as if the unavoidable miles
of morning didn’t provide enough of my tears
to fill our cruise boat,
our row boat,
our hand made raft,
on top of that
she wants to talk.
[There are no paddles
in our game called love.
only the hope that maybe the wind
will work out in my favor
this evening
and won't blow out the only light
keeping her perfection
in amber-colored clarity.]
She’s going over what
I’ve heard over
a million times before
and i’m watching the droplets on her temple
slide down, collect, and fall.
If only…
to locate that pause key
on the giant keypad of time.
I’d shape shift into anything;
become the water around her,
warm and soothe in ways
my listening ears could never accomplish.
Swim into her and find spots
my fingers didn’t know existed yet.
Sustain her and maintain her,
never leaving these bathtub walls.
But for now…
she’s sitting on the other side,
lips wet and ready to speak
her new life into existence.
While the candle and I…
we’re listening,
balancing the boat
and throwing wishes at the wind.
Untitled
Reduced to a stereotyped statistic. Are you?
Told that your generation has gone ballistic. Have we?
We’re repulsive and resentful. So they say.
‘Cause I pray and repent in my own way.
Well I’m sorry i don’t conform or try to fit in,
Because I’d rather feel comfortable in my own skin.
The “big girl” next door or the prep by herself.
Thinks shes belongs high up on a shelf,
Put away from the heathens and riff raff below,
Just because i don’t think my breasts are for show?
Stick to yourself and give no permission,
To some pervert to grind you in the flat-back position.
They’ll say you’re a freak and an introvert.
Because they’re sons’ hands didn’t make it up your skirt.
Your circle of friends are musicians and poets.
Yet you’re hated by most. Yup. You know it
Keep your virginity for over 16 years
Then try to find someone else whose done it.
Show me. Where?
Think with your brain and not with your penis.
And they say you’re a fag or you’re nerdy and squeemish.
If you’re not hood enough or always on the streets,
Or if you make it to school 5 times a week.
You’re an outcast, a weirdo, a loner. That’s right.
Because you’re one of the few who say reason, don’t fight.
You don’t call yourself a “fine ass bitch”
And you’ll never be that girl they found in a ditch.
So your heart isn’t filled with rage and hate.
And thats no longer a good thing , in 2008.
So what do you call yourself today?
The one who does things her own way?
That guy who never walks without a piece?
Or the guy who strives for love and peace?
Never find yourself about to, or nearly,
Ask yourself , Who am I..really?
Perfection
I watched as you progressed into a chaotic downward spiral of mental pandemonium,
As your sanity seemed to diminish.
Confused , lost and entangled in an unorganized , imperfect world.
For the first time, you lived in just that, an imperfect world.
Your atmosphere was not as you’d want it to be. It was foreign.
The familiar euphoria and absence of problematic situations was gone.
Afraid, frustrated, and exhausted of fighting him, yet still filled with fury.
And it all boils down to his power and authority, and your hands remain tied behind your back.
Your pleads and screams silenced by the threshold of his ruling like the palms of his hands strangling your neck.
You wanted to return to the warmth of her bosom and the safety of her arms.
By now, if there was anything left that was perfect, it was her love for you and hate for him.
Her hatred almost equal to yours, but even put together still could not defeat his power-addiction.
And my hands were tied behind my back and my pleads and screams were silenced.
I couldn’t help you. Couldn’t assist in your ascention from that endlist pit of melancholy.
I wanted to be a beacon for you. The confirmation that everything would return to its original state of bliss.
I wanted to be the motivation to avoid his oppression and focus your thoughts on the solid foundation i had laid out for you.
You waited impatiently and accepted your fate until the seas finally calmed.
The repercussions still exist and I’m aware of the still eminently fierce pain left for you to bare.
You’re still in his reach, still suffering from the work of the hands of the devil himself.
But her embrace sheds light on your turmoil and she’s strong for you.
I’m strong for you. Be strong for yourself and aid us in making your happiness a reality once again.
To get back to your euphoric…perfection.
Sure it’s cheating. If you go outside, your relationship is searching for more..that’s cheating….searching outside life and reality and what’s opaque is cheating…but sometimes that’s the only answer…to avoid real death. It’s so hard to live nowadays. We’re lesbians…we know that. Some of us are weak and just in need of an escape.
No, I’m not a cynic. I’m not a pessimist. I’m not on drugs or out of my mind. I’m just tired. Sleep just isn’t enough of an escape anymore…bad dreams make you an insomniac. I have a fatigue that makes you just want to die so bad. You just never know how long you need to. Just ’til it’s all better…and all the negativity has gone away. Just ’til you can smile at your family again…and share in the fun and laugh at jokes with your friends. ‘Til gay marriage is completely legalized?…til stereotypes are gone?…til hate crimes are a thing of the past?..You’d never really know how long.
At the end of writing all this…I’ve realized my temporary internal suicide will never be enough. Sure, it makes you feel better to scream at the top of your lungs ’til you have no more CO2 left to exhale. But how long does that last? When your scream is over…the reason you wanted to scream in the first place is still there..isn’t it?..We’d just have to…scream for our lives…or face real death…the cold kind.
Novel Excerpt: The Otherverse series by Sergio Morales
First Excerpt (One and his mother)
“Why do you want to kill them anyway? What did they do to us? Besides, it’ll take them centuries untill they could get to us. We shouldnt worry.”
“Did the others do anything when they launched the full scale attack on us? We shouldnt waste any more casualites on us, let’s just take them out now.”
“What if we can persuade them to attack the others? Then we dont have to risk any casaulties of our own.”
“Gods, just shut up! Look at youself, Mr. Smart One. If you’re so smart then why did we lose that attack against them. We lost a whole galaxy because of you”
“Me? We lost because you were in my way. Your stupid forces fell into their ambush!”
“I hate you so much since the day of your birth!”
“Tsk…whatever. I still dont think it’s a good plan to destory them. Let’s give them time to flourish. It’ll be easier to destory them later.”
“Argghh! You talk too much! Act now so they won’t posed as a threat to us later!”
“You really just want to send yourself to your own grave, don’t you? Death always waits for those who are too overconfident.”
“You’re just like your father. There is no use for you! He was killed in battle because his captain took long to think of a strategy!”
“Dad wasn’t killed. He just never came back to visit you. From the way you treated him, he though that you didn’t deserve to become a legendary ruler.”
“I’ve had it with your arrogance! If you dont want to fight for me then fight for them, but choose wisely because one of those choices can cost you your life.”
“Fine then. I hope you live happily until your time. I’ll fight against you for a universe ruled by you isn’t worth it at all. Even if we don’t exist to them helping them wouldn’t be a poor choice.”
Frustrated she summoned up a portal and smited him with all her rage into the portal.
“I hope your death will be my vengence my arrogant One.”
Drifting into time paradoxs, One was eager to await what this new universe would await him.
“I hope the people from this universe would serve as a challenge against me,” he thought to himself.
Second Excerpt (Eden and Ide)
“I don’t know Ide. The more I think about it, the more I forget.”
“Yeah, well let’s not forget about that struggle against Shiddo.”
“Oh, that? The one who started the war after after the nation waged it on Shiddo? Well, What other choice did Shiddo have? The Axio army came in vast numbers. The Shiddan army needed a plan to retaliate.”
“You really know your history. Say, why did we decided to fight this war?”
“Bujin is too close to Shiddo. Shiddo wanted to invad Bujin for refuge. Why did you think we’re traveling through the Bujin Wastelands? That’s where we’re going to, to Hydge. That’s where we sent mom and sis. But Shiddo…”
“Yeah, Shiddo took them from us.”
“Eden, why didn’t we just fight back?”
“We didnt want Bujin to suffer for our stupid actions. We could’ve took –”
“That’s not the reason Eden! Bujin could’ve suffered for our own mother! Why didn’t you fight with me?”
“I know mom was important to our people, but many other women would have been killed just for our action. Do we have the right to prove that our mother is more important than the protection of our own people?”
“Yes we do! Our mom was the most important person in all of Bujin! We can’t live without our mom!”
“Ide when are you going to learn? You would have let thousands of women to lost their lives just because her life is more valuable compared to theirs? I know I may sound horrible, but i was saving the world for other women and children in Bujin.”
“Damn it! Okay, you made a good point. Let’s just pray to God that she’s safe.”
” Yeah. let’s hope for the best.”
****
The moon above them shone as the wind blew and put out the flames of the fire that Eden and Ide had set up.
“Ah, not good. Well seeing that we’re nowhere near the Shiddan army why won’t we just take a quick rest brother? Hydge is still a long way ahead.”
“But Eden, there are still monsters that live in these Wastelands.”
“Well I rather be a relaxed corpse then a tired one. Besides we’ll only die fighting. We’ve been traveling for two days now.”
Silence then came between the two.
” Eden?”
“Yeah?”
“Who do you think will reach the end of the galaxy first? Scientists did say that there is an unknown ultimate power source out there that could be capable of ending the war.”
“I don’t know, but I hope Bujin wins evne though our technolgy is primitive compared to the technology of Axio, Evo, Numerix and Shiddo.”
“Shiddo’s nuclear quake has a devestating effect on everyone’s Aerospace Technology.”
“Dad..” Ide said as tears stream down his cheeks.
“Look, Dad’s gone ok? He’s dead, and he’ll always be a hero to us. Besides, we still have his lucky pistols.”
“But…”
“Let’ just get some rest big brother.”
“Okay…night.”
